Alone in a Crowd

There must be something inherently wrong with me. There has to be something that keeps people away. In both my social life and my work life. I float through life with acquaintances but no real friendships. I always feel like I’m on the outside looking in, present but not really a participant. I don’t really fit in anywhere.

I hang out with friends, but sometimes I feel I’m there by default, because of my husband. They are his friends and I’m just a tag along. If it wasn’t for his friendship, I wouldn’t be there.

At work, it’s the same. Rarely do I socialize with anyone. I could sit in my office all day and not have a conversation with anyone at all. In a building that employees 300+ people. Just a wave or hello, as I pass them in the hallway. It can get very lonely. I don’t even talk to my fellow programmers and they are right outside my door.

So there has to be something wrong with me, that keeps people away. Maybe I just need to be a nosy bitch and start sticking my nose in other people’s business. Maybe they’d notice me then.

I live and work with others. I’m surrounded. But most of the time I feel I have no one to talk to about stuff. I can’t talk about work at home. I can’t talk about home and family with anyone at work. Hell, I can barely talk about work at work. I’m even isolated there because even though I’m one of 10 developers, we do not work in teams, or even pairs. We each work on our own thing.

I feel like I’m alone in a crowd.

Ever feel like that?


In the Age of eBanking…I’m Still Writing Checks?!

Who writes checks anymore? All my bills can be paid online. Every store and fast food chain accepts credit and debit cards. It’s rare to see someone write a check.

With all the options for electronic and online banking, checks are becoming a thing of the past. Right?

Not so much. At least not for me.

Since Amelia started school, I’ve never written so many checks in my life. I can easily write 3-5 checks a week now! They are constantly asking for money for something. Even before school started, I was writing more checks than my pen could handle.

I think I wrote 4 checks in one night at registration. This week, I’ve written 3 checks already and I’ve still got a few more to write for various things. Field trips, school lunch orders, book fair order, classroom donations, fundraisers, school pictures…it’s endless.

And we’re only one month into the school year! At this rate, I’ll burn through my book of checks before spring!

Are you still writing checks?

My Calendar Has Never Been So Full

I forget everything! So in order to remember what needs to be done, I make myself reminders. What’s really sad is that I’ve tried to use the new reminders app on my phone, because I can tell it to remind me at a certain time or day, but I always either ignore the reminder or plain don’t hear/see it. That’s how bad I am at remembering stuff.

So when my daughter started school, the calendar was flooded with activities. I am almost obsessive with making sure every event is marked. It doesn’t even matter if we can’t attend, it still gets added.

I don’t know how I’d mange without a calendar. I always thought that I wouldn’t be one of those moms that needed a daily planner. Sheesh! I only have one kid. What do I need a planner for. It’s not like we have a bustle of activity like some families who have 2 or 3 kids that are older and in around after school activities.

But I guess my time has come. Our calendar has never been so full of reminders, due dates, school activities, etc.

I can only imagine how much busier our calendar will be as she gets older.

Are you a daily planner mom? Did you ever think you wouldn’t be?